I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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