i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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