He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
