He kissed a someone with a penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
