she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
