Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
