there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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