Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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