i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
