I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
