My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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