So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
