i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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