So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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