why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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