I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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