I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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