but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
