This girl is more easily done than said...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You took a bar mat shot.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
