Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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