I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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