i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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