dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
