why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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