After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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