Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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