Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
