dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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