If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
