So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
