11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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