so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
