Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
