My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
