Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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