Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
