You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
