Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
