i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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