how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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