I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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