im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
