a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
