i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They took my balls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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