I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
