Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
