It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
