I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
