i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
