i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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