Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
