I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
