Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
