its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
