I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
