Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
