She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
