our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize