this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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