Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
