Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
