U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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