I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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