You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
