when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize