i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
