My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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