wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
