btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
