i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
