Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
