Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
